But she asked "Just one?" and it got me thinking. All this hard work and I'm just hoarding the feeling of accomplishment to myself? I've never been one to keep all of the M&M's, I may keep the blue ones but I'll share every last brown one with you. "Well now that you mention it, why not give me 22 new lives. I'll take those to go too please." And that was the order that I put in to Alyshia Davies just 6 months ago. And I have to say it's been a beautiful journey that I have had the blessing of being able to share with so many people on the same path. I still have a long road ahead but I'm well on my way and won't be turning back. This is now my and my family's new life.
I knew back in February '10 that it was time to do something about my weight. But I had no idea that I wasn't alone in the feeling of self loathing and hopelessness about weight loss prior to that decision. The concept seemed to me that it was a journey saved for those that only needed to lose a few pounds. As for those of us who have 50+ pounds to lose...well, that's reserved for people with a "will". For me, I knew I had a will for many things. A will to take care of my family, a will to have a strong marriage, a will to have a good job, a will to help others. But a will to help me? Help myself? That concept was as foreign as leaving 1/2 a doughnut behind.
But in reality, how can you have the will to do positive things for others but not for yourself? DING *smacks forehead* AHA! THAT is where I realized I had a problem. I put everyone and everything ahead of taking care of me.
I'm a genius at taking care of things. Taking care of kids, taking care of my friends needs, taking care of animals, but what about me? That day I looked in the mirror and said "Now what?!", I just needed someone to hold my hand for the first few steps. Isn't that what friends are for? But what if our friends don't have the tools to help? I mean how many times have you heard "Just don't eat it" or "Just go exercise on your own"? And where is the motivation supposed to come from? In the past I absolutely knew this: any exercise/diet regimen would consist of me having fun with my friends for 2-4 weeks then quitting because well, I let the "will to help everyone else" creep back in 1st place. At that point it was easier to focus on the important things. Like avoiding the issue. It was just so much easier... was it? Really? Answer that for yourself and be honest.
This is where the order I placed for 22 lives comes in. Looking back I know that anyone who is overweight can be ok with it. I was ok with it. I was ok with being fat and getting fatter. Or so I had convinced myself. But I knew way in the back of my mind and in my heart that it wasn't healthy, and still was ok with it. I knew it wasn't good for my mindset, but I was ok with it. I knew it wasn't ok to teach my kids that "you can be just like me when you are older too if you avoid things", and still was ok with it. Until I confronted myself with my own personal intervention, I simply avoided admitting it. If you are there it's ok. Because there is hope. There is happiness in yourself. And there is an amazing person that will look back at you in the mirror and tell you that you are doing a great job. Even when you eat a candy bar for lunch. Because it's not all about the things you do wrong. It's about all the things you do right.
So here I am running miles and miles. I still look in the mirror sometimes and think "You are SO not a runner" and then I look down at my shoes that are covered in mud from running 6 miles in the water and mud and I laugh. You see, I am whatever I choose to be. And today, that is a runner.
I don't expect that everyone thinks they can ever be a runner. I completely understand that as I never EVER thought I could run. But have you ever tried? Like really given it a chance? If not, I just so happen to have 21 new lives to give away...first come first serve. Just come try with me.
(If running truly isn't your thing after giving it a fair shake then let's go exercise together! I love a good game of jungle gym freeze tag at Howard Park on any weekend!)
Wednesday, November 10, 2010